Reflections on creativity

Dear Lucy,

Lately, I’ve been thinking about creativity. Reading my reflections will not give you a clear-cut answer. But it might inspire your own reflections on it. What are your thoughts?

I started out with the question, how can I get more creative? But also, what is creativity? What does it mean for me?
One of the ideas that has been mulling in my head in the last few weeks is that everything I need, is already inside of me. Getting inspired is not about getting more and more stimuli. I feel that it is more about taking the time to listen to yourself. To keep trusting yourself and believe that you can find ideas inside your own mind, and that sometimes doing nothing is the most productive thing you can do.
So, why is it so difficult to act accordingly? For one, I know that I always find something that I have to do. Whether it is working on a deadline or checking my e-mail, or avoiding these things and feeling guilty about it, I’m mostly focussed on having to do something useful.
On the other hand, every time that I do ‘nothing’ (in this context, something not yielding predictable, concrete results) and I feel totally energized and inspired because of it, I realise again that these acts of nothingness are exactly the things that are important. They are important because they make me feel real and living. They are important because they make me realise who I am. They are important because they make me dream.
So I ask again, why do I not spend more time doing these things? Why, when I have 2 free hours, do I tell myself that there is another thing that I have to do? That I shouldn’t waste this time, that I have to get going, do something, hurry hurry!? Would it be because there is often this voice in my head that says: you have to make the most of everything, always, you have to have security, if you don’t work hard and you fail, it will be your own fault? The more I think about it, the more I get convinced that this is a big part of the problem. While, when I look at what I just wrote, I feel some kind of relieve that: well, is that all? I can push that aside.
Right?

So somehow, this letter has turned into a letter about following my own compass. And yes, I can see a parallel. When I am following my compass, it is often the result or a beginning of creativity. They are not the same, but they are definitely entwined.
Maybe this comes as a surprise, but this letter will not end with a solution. It will however end with an advice that I have given myself before, but that, apparently, has to be repeated time and time again: go sit somewhere now and listen to yourself, now. Allow yourself to let your mind wander. Let your mind take you places instead of the other way around.

Creativity as a part of me, for example entangled in my hair:

Hoping to hear from you soon,

Tammy